some musings on experience
The mind suggests there are borders between experiences, that they appear in different locations and are distinct from one another.
However, upon closer inspection, no such border exists. The transition is smooth, even instant. When attention shifts from hearing sounds to feeling the feet, it crosses no boundaries. It can’t even be said to “move,” because the transition is instantaneous. In fact, attention can notice both sensations simultaneously. It seems that attention is aware of everything at once, though certain aspects take priority. It’s a strange and very subtle phenomenon.
This is both obvious and natural. It’s always been this way; it’s nothing new. Examining it closely, it becomes the most curious thing.
It’s clear and undeniable that these sensations are happening. It’s obvious that there is input through the five senses, and it is obvious that thoughts appear. The appearance of them is absolutely real and beyond question. Denying this would be a lie.
To the mind, though, this is unbelievable. Doubt layers over everything. A memory of yesterday or a plan for tomorrow appears, causing a noticeable contraction. Sometimes there is worry, dread, or fear. There is a sometimes gross and sometimes subtle voice that sounds like me and pulls like a magnet. There’s identification with this familiar and comfortable voice.
And then it becomes clear that these are just thoughts. They come and go, appearing and disappearing on their own. I have no control over them whatsoever. I notice that other thoughts the voice says are not identified with.
Specific sensations are unreliable too. The sound of a faucet running or a dog drinking water eventually stops. Taste and smell constantly change. Images warp and morph.
I can’t claim that any of these appearances themselves are who I am. Not even the ones that say “My name is Cade Gentry.” or “I am a human being.”. Those are simply words that point to a fluid experience.
What feels like the core of my being is steady and unwavering, not shifting and inconsistent. This “core” never moves, never comes, never goes, never flickers, never stops. It’s indescribable, but this core is obviously true and real. It’s the steady ground where all things appear.
In this space, this steady, unwavering ground, there is pure aliveness. Vivid spaciousness. Total clarity.
This begs the question: What is experience and who is having it? If I am not these thoughts or sense perceptions, who am I? Is anything I’ve believed about myself true?
I know that I am, even though everything that could describe that I am is false.
Words are pointers. Just signposts and transient concepts. I am not transient. I am not conceptual. I do not come and go.
The unknown is both known and not knowable.
c4d3.com 